


We're Ready

by Full_Moon_Lover



Series: Phan Week 2015 [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Children, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Couple, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 19:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5218148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Full_Moon_Lover/pseuds/Full_Moon_Lover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since Dan and Phil got married and Phil can't help but feel that it's finally a time for them to build a family and start thinking of having kids. He's positive that Dan will agree with him but what if he doesn't?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Ready

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick oneshot I wrote for Day 1 of Phan Week 2015 for the SFW prompt "parents". 
> 
> You can read this on my tumblr (http://fiction-phan.tumblr.com/) and you can look forward to a whole week of Phan oneshots thanks to Phan Week :)

There are instances in every relationship where you feel as if you're on top of the world. You feel as though you could take on anything as long as your partner is by your side to help you through. This feeling can change faster than you can blink sometimes. One second you're on top of the world and the next you're down in the dumps. It's hard to feel like you can take on anything if your partner is not on the same line of thought as yours. 

This is exactly how Phil Lester was feeling at the moment. Just the week before him and Dan had celebrated their one week wedding anniversary and everything was perfect. They were still as in love as the first time they met in person and that wasn't going to change any time soon. Phil just never thought that there would come a point where they just couldn't agree, no matter what and he never thought it would be over something as important as this. 

Phil was thirty two now and for a few years he had started thinking about settling down. Getting married to the man he loved, buying a house big enough so that eventually...eventually they'd have kids of their own to look after and raise. He thought Dan would agree with him. He might be younger but he had never shied away from the thought of them getting married. 

In hindsight, Phil knows that this is the sort of thing that they should have discussed ages ago. He hadn't felt the need to back when they had first started dating though because he knew that they were both too young to even think about having kids and their YouTube careers had just started flourishing. Both of them were busy thinking about other things and so the topic of one day having a family together never came up. 

Now that things had finally started to settle down, Phil thought that it would be appropriate to start at least thinking about it. They still had their YouTube careers and both of them were still very successful but things had calmed down and they were no longer as busy. Unfortunately, Dan was not on the same wavelength as him. 

*

It was a normal morning for them when Phil decided to bring it up. They were sitting next to each other on the sofa, bowls of cereal in their hands, and Dan was looking for the next anime they could watch. It was so warm, domestic and simply them that Phil couldn't stop himself from saying what he said. "Do you ever think of having kids of our own one day?" 

He thought that it was a perfectly reasonable question considering they had been married for a year now but Dan seemed to disagree. Phil could feel him tense up against him and frowned. He didn't think that Dan would start jumping up and down in excitement over the idea of having kids of their own but Phil hadn't expected such a negative reaction either. "Dan? Are you ok?"

Dan seemed to relax over hearing Phil's worried tone and quickly plastered a smile on his face. "I'm fine. What's got you thinking about kids all of a sudden? We've been married for a year now and you've never asked me anything like that." Phil knew that he wasn't imagining the uncomfortable look on Dan's face. 

"I know I've never mentioned it before but it never seemed like it was the right time. At first it was because we were too young to even think about anything like that, then it was our YouTube careers, the book, the tour, the wedding. There's no way we could have even thought about children with all that going on but now we've finally settled down as much as we're ever going to be so I was thinking, why not?" he said, hoping Dan would understand. 

Phil winced when all Dan did was laugh humourlessly. "Phil, just because we've sort of settled down doesn't mean we're anywhere near ready to have kids of our own. I mean, can you imagine us with children of our own that we need to raise and guide to do the right thing? We can barely do that with a fucking Sim and he's not even real."

This was not going at all the way Phil had hoped it would. Dan was not agreeing with him and they weren't happily talking about how they were going to get the kids they had always dreamed of. Alright, Phil had known that it was never going to go like that because they weren't the type but he had at least hoped Dan would be open to the idea of having kids. Instead, Phil was getting the impression that Dan was completely against the idea. 

"You can't compare a sim with how we would be like raising our own kids. Have you forgotten that The Sims is just a game? Nothing that happens on there can be compared to real life. Dan, I think we'd make pretty good parents. Not to mention that I'm thirty two now and it's about I started thinking about something like that", he reasoned. He was hoping that he could convince Dan but instead he seemed to only have made it worse since Dan started glaring at him. 

"It seems to me like you already have it all figured out so I don't even know why you're discussing it with me right now. You've never even told me that you want kids and now all of a sudden you're springing this on me and expecting me to just agree. These kinds of things aren't decided in a few minutes. They need to be discussed well. Besides, if you had asked me I would have said that I'm not ready for kids. I've never really seen myself as a father figure", he said.

Phil felt himself deflate at that. Although Dan had tried not to say exactly what he meant in the hopes of not hurting Phil, he was aware of what he meant. He didn't want kids. They'd known each other for ten years now. How is it possible that Phil was only learning this now? "You're saying you don't want kids aren't you?" 

Dan bit his lip then nodded. There was no point in trying to sugar-coat it. Phil knew him better than anyone and he'd know he was lying to him so as to not hurt him. That's not what he needed right now. "No, I don't. Maybe in the future, we'll see. But right now I don't think we're ready. You can understand that right?"

Phil gave him a smile that he knew didn't reach his eyes and nodded. "Sure, I understand. I don't want to force you and if you don't want that then I have to respect your wishes. I just wish you had told me sooner", he said before he got up and walked to their room. 

*  
Phil knew now that he hadn't handled the situation well. It hadn't been fair of him to try and make Dan feel guilty for not telling him he didn't want kids even though he had never brought the topic up himself either. 

Dan had been distant since their conversation that morning. They weren't fighting, and for that Phil was glad, but they weren't the same. Dan seemed hesitant to so much as talk to Phil and Phil wasn't much better. They were in a situation were neither one of them knew what the right thing to do was. 

They'd had disagreements before but none of them were about such a serious issue. Discussing whether or not to have kids wasn't the same as deciding what kind of cereal to buy. Dan was still convinced that they shouldn't have kids but Phil couldn't just forget his wish to build a family with his husband. 

Things always have to get worse before they get better. Phil remembered his mother telling him that when he was still a child and, at the moment, he couldn't help but think that she was right. He and Dan hadn't talked since that conversation in their living room and now Dan wasn't even sleeping in their room anymore. Phil was at a total loss over what he should do. 

Was him wanting children something so bad that he deserved the silent treatment like this? It was true that he hadn't really made an effort to talk to Dan either but he thought he was doing the right thing by giving him some space to think about it.

It all came to a head two days later when Dan walked into their room while Phil was busy editing a video, looking as if he had been crying. Phil quickly sat up, alarmed at seeing Dan so upset. He wasn't happy with them not talking either but he hadn't realised it had gotten bad enough for Dan to cry about it on his own. He was even more shocked over what came out from Dan's mouth. 

"I don't want to break up."

Phil stared at him in shock, not really comprehending what was going on. The thought of them breaking up had never gone through his head. Sure, he really wanted kids and he was upset to learn Dan didn't but he was more than willing to talk it through with Dan and even wait until he felt ready. Knowing that his husband had believed him to be so upset about it he would want to break up, broke his heart. 

He stood up and quickly walked over to Dan, pulling him in for a hug. "Dan what are you talking about? No one said anything about breaking up. That's the last thing I want to do, I love you", he mumbled against his husband's shoulder. "I know we haven't really been talking lately but it doesn't mean I want to be with you any less. I admit that I was a little upset at first over you not wanting kids but I can wait. I just thought you needed space."

He felt Dan shaking his head against him. "I didn't need space, I just needed you. I thought you didn't want me anymore because you want kids and I don't", he said, his voice sounding shaky. Phil couldn't help but feel guilty, knowing that he had handled things badly. They should have talked it through instead of distancing themselves from each other. He should have known that Dan would take his silence as wanting to break up instead of what it was really for. 

"Do you want to talk about it? Without me making you feel pressured this time", he suggested. Better late than never. He saw Dan nod and they sat close to each other on their bed, knees touching. "How about you tell me the real reason why you don't want kids? I know that the whole Sims thing was just an excuse. I'm not judging you, I just want to help."

Dan sighed but nodded. "Fine but you're not going to like it and I already know that you're going to try and tell me otherwise", he said, a frown on his face. "It's not that I don't want kids. The truth is that I actually do but I know that I would be a horrible dad. I can barely take care of myself and control my own life, how can I possibly take care of another person's life? A child's life?"

Phil shook his head and looked at Dan, nothing but love in his eyes. He should have known that Da would do something like that. Make himself seem inadequate to take care of a child but he was so wrong. Phil knew that Dan would make a fantastic dad. He could tell just from the way he saw him look at children when they were outside and Dan thought he wasn't looking. He could tell from the way that Dan had held his brother's baby when she was born. With all the care in the world, as if the smallest of touches could hurt her. Someone who behaved like that could never be a bad father. 

"Dan, I know it's going to take you a long time to believe me but for now just listen. You're going to be an amazing dad and any children we have in the future are going to be lucky to have you. And if sometimes you're not sure of what you should do, I'm always going to be right by your side to help you out. If we do this Dan, you're never going to be alone. I'm always going to be right next to you. And we might make mistakes sometimes but that's okay because we'll still love our children unconditionally and we can only learn by making mistakes", he said, before he pulled in his husband for a deep kiss. 

He could feel Dan smiling against his lips and chuckled when his husband lied down on the bed and pulled him over him. "I love you", he heard Dan whisper against his lips and Phil smiled. He knew they were not done discussing this but, for now, they were okay. They had all the time in the world to make a decision. 

"Does that mean you'll think about it?" Phil muttered against Dan's lips. Dan just chuckled and pulled him in for another kiss. Phil was definitely going to take that as a yes. 

*

A year and a half later...

After waiting for so long, Phil couldn't believe that the day was finally here. His husband and he had received a call two weeks before, letting them know that all their documents were in order and their adoption request had gone through. They were finally going to get the little girl that the both of them had been dreaming of for the past year. 

Phil walked to the living room and saw Dan sitting on the sofa. The television was on but Phil could tell that his husband wasn't really watching it. He sat down next to him and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "We should leave now if we want to get there in time". His voice seemed to snap Dan out of his thoughts because he turned to look at Phil with wide eyes. 

"Phil, I'm scared. What if Emily finally comes with us and ends up hating it here? What if she ends up hating us? What if we turn out to be horrible parents? What if-" Phil cut him off with a long kiss then he pulled back and hugged him. 

"Dan, we've been hanging out with Emily for a year now. She might only be three years old but I think she would have let us know by now if she hated us. Besides, we both know that she's absolutely taken with you and can't wait to come live with us. Listen, I know that you're scared. I am too. This is something completely new for us but we've been waiting so long now we can't just give up when we're so close. You remember what I told you when we first talked about this don't you? You're never going to be alone because I'll always be right there by your side", he said smile on his face. 

Dan nodded and smiled back. "I know. I'm just being silly. We've waited so long for this and now that the day's finally here I can't help but feel scared. There's no way I'm giving up though. We went through too much and I adore Emily. She belongs with us."

Phil was glad to hear his husband say that and he quickly got up with a smile. "What are we waiting for then? It's time to bring Emily home and start our new adventure of parenthood together." Dan chuckled and got up as well, following Phil out of their home to change their lives for the better. 

They were ready.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys like it! There'll be another oneshot tomorrow for Day 2 of Phan Week 2015.


End file.
